


Why We're Not Meant To Be

by AntisocialHistorian



Category: The Greatest Showman (2017)
Genre: M/M, but it all works out, charity and anne understand, don't be fooled because i do, don't hurt me, i like charity, i was paranoid so i made it a teen, it's another one of these yes, okay its basically angst with a happy ending, soulmate fic, there's a small amount of angst, you can never have enough of these
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-30
Updated: 2018-08-30
Packaged: 2019-07-03 00:51:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,121
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15807966
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AntisocialHistorian/pseuds/AntisocialHistorian
Summary: Timers defined how society saw you.Everyone had one of course, it had always been that way, but it was the colour of the timer that meant the most. One look at a timer could destroy someone, and another look from another person in another place and time could simply be a look of wonder and adoration, as if the world had stopped crashing and crumbling.Phillip was born with a deep red timer. Barnum also had a deep red that stood out from his jacket. Charity had a blue timer, Anne a green, both destined for sadness.





	Why We're Not Meant To Be

**Author's Note:**

> I know, it's another typical soulmate au, but I think it's time that I finally did one honestly, and why not for P.T and Phillip. Discounting his wife. And discounting Anne. They're just innocent adults in love, it's all okay.
> 
> I know that these reactions are entirely unrealistic, but being born with a mark that immediately means something could mean that you know what's coming down your way, and so you naturally have an extended amount of time to deal with it.
> 
> I naturally don't own The Greatest Showman because I'd screw with the fans minds, and I'm entirely sure that everything would be canon at different points.
> 
> This particular fic has been stressing me out on the characterisation part, so if I failed, please don't be extremely harsh.

Timers defined how society saw you. Everyone had one of course, it had always been that way, but it was the colour of the timer that meant the most. One look at a timer could destroy someone, and another look from another person in another place and time could simply be a look of wonder and adoration, as if the world had stopped crashing and crumbling. It was sad, and unfair because a timer would define the person, rather than perhaps a wonderful personality, or looks. It was  _always_ the timer.

Red was the one that every parent wanted to see, watching the birth of their child with bated breath because  _was it red_? Red was a simple timer, less elaborate than the others in its meaning, but it held the most weight; it was symbolic of a deep, requited love that would go on forever in the highly cringy fairytale forever stereotype. Of course, it didn't indicate a smooth relationship, far from it. A red mark could be indicative of a tumultuous love, filled with strife. 

But it was red that everyone wanted, but just over half ever got.

Barnum and Phillip were both born with one immediate similarity: the colour of their marks. Phillip had a simple, basic red mark, and Barnum had a deep red, darker than any red he could hope to capture. It was an extravagant timer, much like his dramatic but loving personality. 

Blue indicated a temporary love. A love in which you would be destined for soulmate but they would never be the one for you, much like Charity to P.T. Charity had always understood the weight her blue timer carried, but it was as socially acceptable as a red one, because at least she would be loved, and she in turn could love. Phineas loved Charity, but being the smart and capable woman she was, she knew that he would never be truly hers.

Purple was frowned upon. A life without love? No. No that simply wouldn't do. Those with a purple mark would never experience love for the one they were matched to but in turn would never love romantically. Two soulmates that could only ever function as friends, but never take a lover.

Green was the despised, socially unacceptable mark. The pity mark. Unrequited love. Tears fell and children were shunned and disowned over a green mark. It was the rarest of marks, and in turn, the most painful. As sure as anything, you'd meet your soul mate, but they were destined for someone else, never to love you. It was worse than purple simply because you were made for them, but they were destined for some other person, making you alone. It sucked.

Anne, who had always had trouble based on her simplest nature, fought more trouble whenever someone caught the sight of her green timer. It was green. A painful, tearful green. Those with green marks could take lovers, but always carried the burden of never being loved by the one that should've been created for them.

Phillip was born with a deep red timer. Barnum also had a deep red that stood out from his jacket. Charity had a blue timer, Anne a green, both destined for sadness.

 

* * *

 

It isn't a habit to look at your timers. They were on the upper inside forearm, not a place someone naturally looked at, timer or not, it was the inside of a forearm. For some, it was just too painful.

The countdown counted to the moment you would look at the timer and realise you were a match. Reds and purples looked at the same time, and with blues and greens, only one was to look. With one look, you would be overcome with a feeling that varied based on your mark colour. Pain for greens, happiness and elation for reds. Pained excitement for blues. Purples had no specific emotion. It was only an innate knowledge that could lead them.

Tragic if you were the only one to look, honestly, and then be overwhelmed by a crippling pain.

Barnum had been speaking about getting more involved with the acts than just singing and dancing. Where that had lead to them becoming an act, Phillip was lost. 

One moment, he was persuading Barnum out of a crazy idea, and the next, he was an act with his partner. And really, topless rope climbing? W.D would be better for that.

"We have to be more involved Phillip," Barnum insisted. Singing and dancing not enough? How about stripping for a rope act.

And that was how it came to be, that Phillip would be standing in the tent, topless, with P.T Barnum. How could one man be so stubborn?

"P.T, surely there's other more qualified individuals, such as W.D, for a topless male act? We can't die and leave everyone behind for this act,"

"Don't be dramatic Phillip, it suits me much better than you, and we're both much more attractive if I do say so myself. As owners of this circus, we have to keep them wanting more of us,"

"In more ways than one apparently," Phillip muttered, scratching the back of his neck.

"It'll be fun Phillip, just relax and try it. I won't force you to perform it after this if you really don't want to," P.T told him softly, tugging at Phillip's desire to please everyone. "Just one try, that's all I ask before we discuss implementing it regularly,"

"Okay, let's do it," Phillip agreed with a sigh. Barnum fought the smirk that rose, excited to see Phillip loosen up and let go of himself. Well, more than he normally did at the circus. He had significantly changed since joining the circus, relaxing into a calmer, happier form of himself.

"We're going to be amazing and you know it,"

Phillip huffed a laugh and lifted his arms to stretch behind his back, preparing to climb the ropes. On an off chance (was it really?) he glanced down at his red timer.

00:01.

00:00.

There were twin snaps of heads as the two partners both looked up to see each other, immediately being washed in a flurry of emotion. Elation and relief washed over Phillip, because it was P.T, and he knew they could, would, fit and make a life for themselves. Pictures of them curled in a library on a rainy night, curled by a fire place invaded his thoughts, tending to the things he had always wanted, everything he needed to finally be loved (and  _love_ in turn).

P.T kissing him after a sell out show, because it had been one of the best yet, and just sitting down at a desk talking about how amazing it was to be there at that moment, matched together in a life they both loved.

Wrapped in each other, laying in Phillip's bed, and then it was P.T's, both of them admiring and lavishing the other with beautiful endearments and compliments, ones Phillip had been desperate to hear for so very long. 

As soon as it started, it ended for Phillip. Snapping from his wistful, impossible thoughts, he instead thought of Charity, who would be destroyed, their  _children,_ and Anne? Anne who had already suffered so greatly at the hands of society and suffering with so much rejection constantly. How on Earth could he destroy her and a family? He looked back down at his timer.

No.

Phineas Taylor Barnum and Phillip Carlyle shouldn't ever be. 

Pain crushed him, destroying the elation, the belonging that had existed seconds ago. His mark should've been green, because at least then he would know he had been destined to suffer-

"Phillip," Barnum whispered, and Phillip raised his head slowly, eyes never leaving the clock that now read 00:00. For a brief moment, he could have seen happiness, and now all he could see was the problems that his mark would make. P.T took a step forward, reaching out to touch Phillip's hair, which shocked Phillip from his stupor, making him jerk away from the hand.

"No. It isn't you. The timer is just wrong,"

"It is me, Phil,"

'Don't call me Phil," he snapped, "I'm not your soulmate. I'm not like.. _that_ , I have no inclination to men. This is wrong," Every rejection that left his mouth broke him, but he reasoned to himself, it was protecting Charity and her children, Anne from another harsh slap, and P.T would be saved from his Mother and Father. His Mother and Father would be furious at him being matched to a man. All the things that had been told to him, that a man loving another was wrong, and abomination to be punished, surfaced in his mind, one after the other.

"Phillip, calm down. It's not wrong," P.T told him soothingly, trying to placate Phillip but instead fuelling the need to protect.

"You're wrong, this is undeniably wrong. This is disgusting. I don't want this. I don't want you, and I will never love you!" 

As soon as the words left his mouth, he saw P.T step back, agony contorting his handsome features, mixed with confusion as to what he had done to wound Phillip in such a way. Before Phillip's resolve crumbled, he snatched his shirt from a barrel, hastily pulling it over his head. Pausing slightly, hands trembling, Phillip risked one more glance at his partner, and was almost crushed by the expression that had now taken residence. The pain that Barnum had conveyed to him with his eyes stung, though he was sure the older man would have to hurt more than he did at his harsh words. Barnum's face was blank, but his eyes had told Phillip all he needed to know. Scrambling at this point, he took his blazer and coat rushing off to find Anne and forget the truth that Phillip Carlyle and P.T Barnum were meant to be. 

It had to be a mistake.

Sighing heavily, P.T slowly began to move forwards, to put his shirt on and tidy the unused ropes up, desperately trying to ignore the throbbing pain in his chest, because like Phillip, for the briefest moments, he saw his entire future too. 

Though Phillip didn't want a future with him. He had seen the panic and anger that distorted Phillip's beautiful features, and now he knew that Phillip would never want him. Good to know, he guessed. Abandoning his attempts to do anything, he sat down heavily on the floor, blinking back the rapidly appearing tears. He picked up Phillip's forgotten hat.

Well that had gone awfully.

 

* * *

 

After the fiasco had happened, Phil had run to Anne, clearly distressed, but Anne asked no questions, she sat with him and calmed him from his panic. 

Phineas had gone home an hour later, returning to his house to see Charity waiting up for him in a worry. He looked at her for a long moment, almost wanting to curse the world for not allowing Charity to be his soul mate instead, for pairing him with a man who would never love him. He didn't speak at first, instead throwing himself into an armchair and sighing heavily. Looking up, he saw Charity had followed him, standing in the doorway with a soft expression on her face, dressed in her night clothes. Tears started to build up rapidly in his eyes, and he took to blinking away the tears until he was hit with a fresh wave of rejection, Phillip's words haunting him. Only then did he cry, sobs being torn from his throat and face placed in hands in a vain attempt to staunch the droplets of water that fell quicker and quicker, until his vision blurred and his surrounding were no longer visible.

"Phineas, look at me. You need to look at me and breathe," Charity told him, soothing him where he had failed to calm Phillip earlier. But he didn't want to look, to be reminded of his guilt, selfishness and rejection, he didn't want to look at Charity and see what his timer would end, because he already needed Phillip, already knew nothing would _ever_ compare.

Walking closer to him, she laid a hand on his shoulder, squeezing it reassuringly, continuing to talk in an effort to bring P.T back from his emotional meltdown.

Time passed slowly, but after ten minutes, Charity now sat in front of her calmer husband. She observed him, knowing that what had happened would ultimately topple her world as badly as it had shaken his.

"Talk to me, tell me what happened. Only if you can, and you don't need to feel the need to hide anything to spare my feelings, as that won't do you any good," a whispered sound told him, gently of course because that was so irrevocably Charity, even in the knowledge that what had happened was probably going to hurt her, almost as much as Phineas was hurting. Waiting patiently for an answer, she took in his tear streaked face, rapidly rising and falling chest, and his brown locks that had been plastered to his head from the rain showers outside. Never once had she seen her soulmate so utterly destroyed, and it occurred to her that this was perhaps the time she was destined to lose him.

"I found him Charity, and in the back of my mind I think I was hoping it was him," he began, softly at first, but then his voice took on its usual strength and deepness, signifying that he was calming, breathing properly now, not near his hysteria. This was further cemented when he reached for the only drink available in the room, a fine whisky, and poured a generous glass. Leaning on the table, legs crossed, he forced himself to continue, reasoning that he owed it to Charity, because though he loved her, it was less potent, less powerful and enthralling as his love for Phillip.

"I match with Phillip. However Phillip doesn't quite approve of our matching. Actually, that's quite the understatement," he said, letting a hollow laugh loose. "He told me he would never love, or like me in the way our timers intended. Truth be told, he yelled that it was a disgusting thing, and reiterated that it was a mistake once again. He left after that, and I left for here after cleaning up." One thing he neglected to mention was that he has kept Phillip's forgotten hat, because if he could never have Phillip, surely he was allowed one thing that could remind him of his junior partner, for it was only fair. One of the only moments of weakness in his life would be to keep the hat of his soulmate, and it was allowed to just be his.

"Oh, Phineas. I'm sure he meant none of the things he told you when he found out, it was probably his shock. You know that Phillip's parents haven't been the kindest, or most loving parent to him. Tomorrow, he'll find his way, all he requires is some time." She reassured, feeling a pang in her heart that was overridden by a selfless joy that it was finally her husband's turn to experience what she had enjoyed and cherished over the years. Her turn was over, and she was more than happy to let go for them to pursue a relationship. Truth be told, she was glad it was Phillip she would lose her husband to, because he was a nice man who would compliment Phineas brilliantly, and manage to care for their children.

It would hurt, of course it would because P.T was her soulmate, but for now the hurt was kept at bay by the happiness that it was P.T's time, and his soulmate was better than anyone else she could have offered. This signified the end of her perfect little family now that Phineas knew it was Phillip, but she was grateful to have had all the time she had already experienced with him, gaining two children and a beautiful house. Although, she didn't want the house, it was far too large, no, if anything P.T should have the house, it was his and he had worked for it. Phillip and P.T could begin their family there.

"I think he meant every word Charity. His eyes were angry and disgusted. I think I'll stay home from the circus for a few days and give him some room. It'll do me some good too," 

Tapping the table, he stood up, straightening his posture and pasting a fake smile on his face. Charity watched him receed into his persona, and then it truly hit her, this was the end of her family. She had though about it in some depth, but this was the first time it sunk in.

"I'm going to go to bed, night Charity,"

"Phineas? I think it's best if we have separate rooms from now." Charity told him, biting her lip after, worrying further for her husband. However she detected no change. 

"Of course, it's only natural. Night Charity," he said again, but with a soft smile on his face, reassuring her that he understood. He promptly left the room, probably to head for one of the many spare, empty bedrooms and Charity hasn't missed the fact that the bottle and glass had gone with him. Sitting down in the armchair, her tears began to fall as the pain of loss overcame her. Perhaps she should try alcohol too. No, she decided, she would be stronger against that, she would set up arrangements for future housing and income. Pain was for later, she needed to consider the future now.

 

* * *

 

 

Barnum returned to the circus after three days, and the strained relationship between the two ring masters had begun to leak into the atmosphere, making everyone a little more stressed than usual. The circus troope were aware that something had happened, but none of them were sure what had happened to cause such a tense situation. It wasn't difficult to see that something was wrong, as every time Phillip walked into the same room as P.T, he would up and run. 

A prime example of this was Barnum's second day back at the circus. Around noon, he had decided to take a quick break in his shared office, and after going in there, he sat down in his chair, removing his hat and ring master's jacket and placing his forehead on the cool wood. Phillip had walked in five minutes after, to see Barnum dozing off.

"Barnum, have you seen my-" was all Phillip managed before Barnum was standing up, had his jacket on and had picked up his top hat. Stammering an excuse that he was busy, he quickly backed out the door, yelling a quick 'try later'. Lettie and Anne, who had been standing outside the door watching, looked at the fleeing ring master in confusion. Looking into the small office, Lettie and Anne cocked their eyebrows and fixed a stare at Phillip, who flushed. Anne thought she might know what was going on between the two, as she had caught Phillip changing the other day and saw that his timer had reached zero.

As part of her plan to unite the two soulmates, she had arranged a dinner with Phillip which would serve as a field to place her argument. Rather than be upset and distraught at her situation, she accepted it and continued on as a strong woman, because that's who she was. Instead of crying and cursing the universe, she would bring two people together for their own good. A week later, she and Phillip had gone to his apartment, and her ideas came along nicely. Earlier in that week, she had spoken to Mrs. Barnum, who had confirmed her knowledge on the matter and disclosed that her and Phineas had separated. It was a surprise to find out that Charity and the two children were due to move out in the next few days.

"Shouldn't you be with Mr. Barnum, considering he  _is_ your soulmate," she asked him bluntly. Phillip choked on his water (because he was going to be damn sober for this, whether he liked it or not) and some of it dripped on to his front. Wiping his mouth, Phillip willed his face not to betray him. 

"How did-"

"I find out? It might just be because Mr. Barnum runs from you at every opportunity," raising an eyebrow, Anne continued. "It could also relate to your timer reaching zero and the guilt you carry in your eyes. What's stopping you Phillip? What's preventing you from claiming your happiness?"

"Nothing is stopping me, it was simply a mistake on the part of our timers," Phillip dismissed, trying to believe in his excuse desperately. 

"It's never been wrong, Phillip, and you're not about to be the first. You can't close yourself off forever, so really, why?"

"I.. I refuse to destroy a family. Barnum and Charity are happy with each other, with two beautiful children. Caroline and Helen would never forgive me for putting a wedge in between their parents. On that train, how would he forgive me for what I said to him? My parents also, they would make Barnum's life hell, and it would be my fault. And I can't just.."

"Leave me?"

"Yes. There's plenty of reasons for us to not be together and for that timer to be completely wrong."

"Caroline and Helen would forgive you Phillip. They're children, and though intelligent, they're both still wrapped up in the fairytale and excitement of having those timers, and everything related to them, which includes their father and you being meant for each other. Also, Mrs. Barnum and Mr. Barnum have already separated Phillip, she's moving out on the 17th. He's going to be alone in a big house, with an ended marriage and a soulmate who doesn't want him. Me? I'm not stupid, my timer is green which means there will be much more painful heartbreak ahead, but my green timer never counted down to you, so it doesn't hurt as majorly as you assume it does. The hurt is much worse for you than it will ever be for me. You're denying yourself a lifetime of happiness Phillip. You will never love and care for me more than you will for Mr. Barnum, and he won't either." Finishing her speech, she leaned back and took a sip of her water (Phillip had forgotten the food aspect of dinner). "He's been staying in his office until 10 at night everyday since he and Mrs. Barnum separated," she added helpfully.

Later on, if you asked, she would tell you about the exact moment Phillip realised that he wanted P.T. Barnum more than anything. It wasn't too hard, after all, the man did shoot out of his seat, spilling his water everywhere, including on himself. Smiling apologetically at Anne, he ran to the door, grabbing his coat on the way through the door. In his hurry, he had completely forgotten to close his front door. A small smile appeared on Anne's face as she thought of what she had managed to achieve. Maybe she should take it up as a career if the circus thing didn't work out.

 

* * *

 

 

Getting to the circus apparently turned out more difficult than he had originally planned (because he hadn't planned), and that probably was because he was running (walking at times) there, and for some unknown reason, there were massive crowds. He and Anne had arranged their dinner for six in the evening, and he had rushed out the door at six twenty. It took him a while to fight through the crowds, but he eventually burst into the circus at seven pm. There, his courage started to fail him and he stood for several moments trying to work it up again. All the other acts had decided to go out for a drink to celebrate a little, and it so happened that Lettie hadn't left yet and walked into Phillip. 

Okay, perhaps Lettie was in on the elaborate plan, and had been waiting for Phillip to arrive since half six. 

"Phillip! What are you doing just standing here in our tent?" She asked cheerfully. Faced with Lettie, he couldn't help but tell her 

"I'm uh, I'm looking for P.T?"

"He's just in the office, I think he's doing some paperwork. He could use cheering up," Lettie barely held back a smirk and pushed Phillip in the direction. Brain not fully comprehending what he was about to do, Phillip's feet decided to head towards the office regardless of what his brain was trying to figure out. Lettie watched him disappear, before letting out a joyful, loud laugh and walking out to join the others on their drinking. And yeah, there was a spring in her step. 

Knocking on the door softly, Phillip pushed open the door to his shared office. Slipping through the door, he closed it behind him and then waited for it to sink in, that he was standing in the office, and he had blocked all escape routes. It took about a minute for it to entirely click for P.T, a testament to his tiredness. 

 "Oh, Phillip, let me just go and get something, I'll um, I'll be right back.." P.T trailed off when he realised Phillip had blocked all escape exits. "Did you want something?"

"I thought we should talk, if I haven't ruined everything already. Stay. Just for a few minutes,"

"Considering how chatty I am, I'm agreeable to have a chat," P.T agreed, seeming his usual self.

"I really didn't plan for this, I have no idea what I plan to say to you," P.T tilted his head slightly, and Phillip was drawn in by how attractive he looked, and a need that took him by complete surprise. "I think my first word should be an apology, because I  _am_ sorry for everything I said P.T, I shouldn't have said anything told you. I was scared Phineas, terrified in fact," he said, smiling ruefully, trailing off as he thought of the reasons that had stopped him from accepting his partner.

"Scared of what?" P.T asked, his voice soft and curious, but already wanting to give in. The use of his first name had weakened him considerably, why, why was it always Phillip that could destroy his resolve so easily?

"Ruining your family. Hurting Anne like everyone else ever has, my parents and what they would do to you." 

"Two of those were something for me to worry about Phil. You only need to worry about your issues, never mine," getting up, P.T paced in the small space. "I understand your worries on all of those matters, but Charity and your parents was something I could've dealt with. Charity has been prepared for this a long time, a short conversation would've explained it to her, and she would've been happy, accepting of us. And your parents, well whatever they did to me, it wouldn't hurt worse than what you said to me that day, I'm pretty sure nothing could feel that bad actually. Anne, I understand, honestly, and you could have spoken to her Phil, just spoken to her. All this wouldn't be as bad as it was if you had just stuck around and waited for me to speak to you properly."

"I understand that. I really am sorry for what I said, and I understand that nothing could fix what I said. I'm sorry, I'll um, I'll go now," Phillip said awkwardly, heart sinking as P.T spoke, finding a solution to everything he had said to hurt him. Thinking that P.T wasn't going to be able to forgive him, he turned around to open the door. Grasping the handle, he went to tug it open, but a hand shut it firmly, resting by his ear.

"Where are you going?" Barnum's voice rumbled behind him. Turning around, Phillip was almost nose to nose with P.T, which immediately made his heart race and his breath audibly quickened.

"I thought you wanted me to go, so I thought I would, you know, leave,"

"We'll work on our communication skills later," P.T mused, but Phillip barely heard him, the proximity ruining any type of coherent thought. One more inch and Phineas would be pressed against him, against the door, and God, how was he going to survive with all the thoughts racing around his head?

"Later..?"

'Later," P.T confirmed. "There's other things I'd prefer to do,"

Phillip went to ask what that could involve, but the question was washed away as the world suddenly corrected itself, and the dull pain Phillip hadn't realised was there, faded out. 

Instead, heat spread through him because Phineas was  _kissing_  him, and his hands first went to to P.T's chest, but then it was the hair Phillip wanted to touch, the soft looking brown hair that he had wanted to run his hands through since some time that wasn't now, because the feel of Phineas was so much more important, the feel of his body pressed against P.T's.

P.T's hand rested on Phillip's waist, acting as an anchor for Phillip and himself because he thought he might just drift away at this rate. Phillip's lips were soft, but fit and felt so much better than anyone else he had ever kissed. Now, he couldn't imagine kissing anyone else, because he knew what Phillip felt like, tasted like and it had intoxicated him in the cliche way that he had been desperate to avoid. Now, that was the last thing he cared about, because here was Phillip in the best place he could imagine, pressed against the door. All good things ended though, and so did their kiss, Phineas realising later that they had just shared their first kiss. Both of them were breathing heavily, and Phillip rested his head on P.T's chest, happy that he was the shorter one for the time being.

"There's a desk, and everyone else is out. I can think of much more pleasurable things to be doing," Barnum whispered into his ear, and Phillip warmed all over, heat pooling in his lower body at the offered activity.

"I'm can get behind that," Phillip told him with his own smirk.

"I'll be behind you,"

This is where the story ends though, as Phineas dragged Phil over to the desk and drew him into another searing kiss.

Their world was blooming.

**Author's Note:**

> Apologies if this was terrible, on another note, I'm also English, so you'll find a lot of Brit versions of words.
> 
> I tend to rarely implement dialogue and struggle with characterisation, so another apology if they didn't satisfy what you're looking for.
> 
> I did try and edit the best I could, but I'm tired. Just comment any mistakes.


End file.
